Stress eats away at.....

What? It certainly doesn't eat away my fat cells. Though, I wish it did.

Tonight was Parent Teacher Conferences. I knew my daughter would do great. She always does. She's almost a straight A kid. She needs to work on her listening and direction following skills, as well as her fiddling habits. Sad to say, she gets that from me. I fiddle when I listen. I cannot sit still, and it helps to draw pictures.

My eldest son on the other hand...he's a handful. Stubborn mister Corban. He's doing well, but I know he could do better, and if he doesn't...well he may not make it to Kindergarten this year. His teacher is amazing. I have the utmost respect for her, and great faith in her abilities. It's mine I question. He doesn't quite grasp rhyming. He can only name visually a handful of letters in the alphabet. When he should be able to name them all, and if not...then at least all of the ones in his first name, right? Nope. Corban has his mind set in his ways and honestly, that's my fault. Let me explain why.

The day Corban was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, I was enveloped with a large feeling of guilt. In my mind, it was kind of my fault that he has it. I carried it. So that began a vicious cycle. He was taken from sleeping in his own bed until he was ill, to sleeping in our bed every night. I mean he had a bed, and he slept in it maybe 13 days until he was 3. To this day I struggle to keep him in his bed. He has a temper beyond belief. For years, I have blamed this on the medication. A prime example of this is this evening. His sister and I were working on Rhyming words with him, and he got upset because bed and baseball didn't rhyme. He repeatedly punched the couch and screamed quite literally as high pitched and loud as he could. It's so frustrating for me, since I don't know how to reprimand it the appropriate way...I don't necessarily let it go, but I can't really do anything about it without teaching him it's okay. So again, he basically gets away with it.

I know my guilt is something that I have to put aside. I have to accept that this is what God has handed me. It's really hard to do, even 5 years later.

We definitely have our work cut out for us with him..and his younger brother is watching with a learning eye.