June 14, 2012

Surgery Update and Struggling

On June 5th, I had a total hysterectomy, including a tube and ovary removal. Found out the on my left tube was a cyst about 2 cm in size, and more on my right tube, which still remains. I'm wondering if this isn't from having my tubes tied? I don't know. Can't find much on it right now.
Today is better than many other days this week. I haven't need Ibuprofen. For about 2 days I had been back to feeling like poo, and yesterday even slept almost half of the day away. I really hope I can get over this quickly and that I'm healing well like I should be, I NEED to get back to work, I'm going INSANE sitting here!!

Something that has REALLY been bothering me lately...family. I constantly see people I grew up with having a relationship with one side of my family, that I literally haven't seen in at least 3 or more years, some of them longer than that. I don't understand why I get excluded, but have been coping. I don't know why it bothers me so much lately, but it does. I'm here. You know I'm here. I have 3 beautiful children, and you're missing out on them!!!! Why am I not good enough? What did I do, that means you can't associate with me? Invite me to the dinners you all have for holidays?
Don't get me wrong, they aren't the only family I have, I have a whole other side of me. But seeing you all interact with each other, and the photos, yeah..it  makes me jealous. Probably because SOME OF YOU, I was VERY close with as a child.
Maybe it's just me getting older, and realizing what is important to me. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's medications. I don't know what it really is, all I know is it gets harder and harder to keep my mouth shut about it. It would just be nice to hear, "Hey Ashley, we're having Thanksgiving dinner *insert date and time here* we'd love to see you"
Dear Family that doesn't ignore my existance, YOU all know who you are. Thank you for always making me a part of the things that are important. Thank you for loving me like you do, and thank you for ALWAYS supporting me, even when I made stupid decisions in my early adulthood. I love y'all so much! And to the people who have MADE me their family, even though we're not related by any means...I love you too! Thank you for all you do.
Okay...End Rant. Wait..one more thing. Insomnia, it's for the birds. I wish I didn't have this problem. BOO to Insomnia.