This will be the death of me....

I knew it was a possibility. I thought I'd be okay with it. Back in November, I started having major  problems with my lady parts. I went to the dr who delivered Rylan and her only suggestion was to put me on birth control. That did NOT help any, in fact it made it worse. So, in April I went to my regular doctor about it. Well that lead to an ultrasound, lab tests, and a different ob visit. Well, that visit was on Monday. The answer was not what I had hoped for, but something I THOUGHT I had prepared myself for...Tuesday, June 5th I will go under the "robotic knife" and endure a total hysterectomy. They will leave my right ovary. I will be out of work for at LEAST 2 weeks. With a 6 week recovery period. For the first two weeks I won't be able to drive. I'm farely independent. I will need help, I really have none. My mom just had a hip replacement, that has gone a lot further than she wanted it to. She won't be able to handle helping out with the boys. My father will be gone beginning of June (before my surgery). Discussion has been tossed around about having my father-in-law fly in to help. Nothing has been decided yet...and I'm not even sure that I'll have a ride HOME from the hospital...What I will say, is that if I have to have someone OTHER than my Husband drive me home, not only will he get a swift kick in the face (not literally) but so will his "boss" who is one the most insensitive jerks I've ever met.
My biggest problem with accepting this has been............and most of you will think "oh how selfish"..
Babies. Just as I was accepting my tubal, and REALLY okay with not having anymore babies....I get slammed. And now I cry, a LOT, because I will NEVER have the ability to have another baby. Even if I were to get rich and could afford invitro....I won't be able to. A lot of people around me are having babies. And 95% of them are having the baby girl I have always wanted to give Matt. I'm not sure why I struggle so much with it, but I really do just plain struggle with it.
 I cried the entire way home from work, and while it may not have been JUST over this...this was the majority of it. Why can't I accept this?! Why can I not just let go of the babies?! We carry Cystic Fibrosis....each child we were to have has a 25% chance of having it. We chose to have my tubes tied because of this. It was a decision we made in good concious. I don't think that losing "my lady parts" makes me any less of a woman. But I do feel like it may just be the end of the world.
Okay...so now that I'm going to be either ignored, or bombarded by the "you're a selfish cry baby" comments....That concludes my rant/cryfest.

Wow, it's been a while!!!! BOOOYYYY do I have news for you!!!
Okay, where to start. Since I last posted, my husband and I had a wedding anniversary. 3 years. We're surviving! I hope. That's about the only excitement. Oh...wait..I lied... because there is this thing we did yesterday...
WE SIGNED THE PAPERS THAT WILL ALLOW US TO BE A HOUSEHOLD OF HOLLENBECKS!!!!! ALL that's left is to pay off the 700 dollars, and wait the mandatory 30 days from the petition filing date. So by mid June...it will be official, and we will have a party the likes of one you've never seen.

Today was The Great Strides 2012 Walk. All in all the total raised was $137,225 and that's JUST preliminary. Every year I see a sign I haven't seen before. This year didn't fail me. I found one that shared that the CFF has 14 opportunities for drug research, but only enough funding for 4. Can you imagine how much closer to CURING this nightmare we'd be if they had the funding for ALL 14!? Rick Regan said it best..."Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to get together next year?!" Now, while that would be sad, because I wouldn't see so many great and wonderful people...I would be thrilled!!! And, For the first time in 4 years, we actually took the short trip. It was hot, and we were pretty much carrying Rylan because he wouldn't sit in the stroller.
I attempted to beat myself this year. My goal was 500 dollars. I got $497.23. Initially I though I had beat it by 2 dollars. But I believe my math was wrong. I am still however taking donations at www.cff.org/great_strides/Hollenbeck.
Starting today, I begin my brain storm and processing for the next year. And this year I'm gonna rock it out. The last few years I've just been waiting until right at time and starting to work. This year I'm getting to it. I already have two events lined up and many more coming!!!
May 8th, 4 pm-10 pm Join us at On The Border out West with the flier for that location and enjoy a meal while donating to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation! (If you need a flier ask me, I'll get you one!!) May 22nd, join us for lunch OR dinner at the On The Border out East, along with your flyer and enjoy a meal while donating to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. (Again, if you need a flyer, ask, I'll get you one!)
I'm working on a bake sale, a golf tournament, a reverse raffle (this one is going to be the MOST fun!!) Garage sale, among many other ideas!! I'd like to see $5,000+ this year. And I need YOU to help me!!!!
Right now, I'd like to see Rylan fall asleep so I could take a nap.  And I must share with you my new desk buddy. Each year I buy one of these bears. They're 5$. This year they had armed forces bears, along with their usual, heart vest, great strides logo and pink bears. AND they had Americana. I was torn between two. One with a flag, and one with a heart like a flag. But since I love them soo much I picked.....